I want to share with you the darkest time in my life. I was working in a very stressful job and was married with kids. I put a lot of pressure on myself to handle everything. In April of 2003 I began to have full blown panic attacks. I had already experienced the daily anxiety and voices in my head. I had also started limiting my life in order to avoid the discomfort.
I think the panic attacks brought me to my knees. Many people had no idea that I was suffering so badly. Inside a war was raging. It truly felt as if it was trying to take me over. I began not sleeping, the irritability grew, I became cynical and depressed. Many days I would go into the bathroom and just cry because I was terrified. The saddest thing was that I felt so alone.
I was so terrified that I did not want to be placed on medication. Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't take the medicine, because I might not have been as willing to fight.
Most of my panic attacks occurred at night. I always felt that they happened when I let my guard down for the day. There is something about night that is so frightening and creepy. As my family slept I paced thought the house fighting the battle in my mind desperate to find peace. I had a routine to help calm me. However, I needed someone who knew where I was.
As I scoured the Internet looking for help I was often discouraged that every site that could give me a little hope wanted my money - and a lot of it. I said many prayers, but one was if I found peace I would help everyone I could.
The quotes at the top of this message everyday are very important to me. As I scoured the Internet the quotes were the only thing that I felt I could cling to. I would write them down and carry them with me. When I felt anxious, I could pull them out and they gave me comfort.
The daily messages often have something to do with how my day was or what I have encountered through the day. I am still that girl that keep the anxiety monster at bay. I may have to work on it the rest of my life, but everyday I amaze myself at something new. I love to think "what have I done today to make myself better".
I want you to have hope, to feel better, but I will tell you that you have to commit to it. Tomorrow I will have a contract in the egg printables that you can download and sign. This is all about you. Your commitment to be the best you can & not give into the anxiety or depression. To get out of bed everyday & make a difference. I hope you will fill it out & place it in your gratitude journal.
I am so proud of you! I am so blessed that you have trusted me in on your biggest struggle. If you know someone else who is suffering, invite them to join us. I will never charge for my site. I just want to pass on a little daily hope.
Wishing you peaceful thoughts today,
Amy
Quote of the Day
"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?"
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