I Am Afraid of Loosing Control

It all started when I had my first panic attack. I was so vulnerable and defeated. It was something that no one I knew had ever been through, they had no point of reference. I was told a lot that I was too uptight, I needing to relax. After you have a panic attack I don't know if you ever relax again.

I can remember one night in bed, I was working on my breathing exercises. I think I truly became "relaxed". It scared me to death. I didn't feel like a lighthouse - you know where you are constantly assessing how everything in your body feels. For a moment I thought I stopped breathing. It was a long time before I would let my guard down again.

After that first attack I became terrified of being in a spot where I was not free to runaway. I would anticipate another attack. Sitting in a car with other people, what would I do if it started? They would think I was nuts. I have to admit to you that I have not been on an airplane in 8 years. Mostly because I have been so busy that we have not vacationed far from home. I don't really feel scared anymore, but there is that little voice in my head that says "you will be trapped and have an attack". If I let my mind wander I can see myself on that flight freaking out and it's all over the news "Girl Flips Out...news at 10". I am sure I would be fine, it's been almost 2 years since the last attack, but you feel so vulnerable and out of control.

So I like to try new things every now and then that test my stress management - a crowded grocery store, a bus ride, a ride where I don't have control. I think it all has to do with faith, faith that I will be ok. I am a million times better than I was 5 years ago & will be a million times better 5 years from now.

What's holding you back from living? The fear of loosing control? Step out in faith that everything will be ok, one step at a time.

Wishing you peaceful thoughts today,
Amy

Quote of the Day

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Norman Vincent Peale