Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Will you let it define you?

On the darkest days of my battle with anxiety and panic I often felt as if the anxiety had taken such a hold that it defined who I was. I had lost my sense of independence and individuality. Everything I did and thought was wrapped up by my anxiety. In my mind I often thought of Hester Prynne in the Scarlet Letter. She wore the "A" on her chest for committing adultery, however I felt as if I had been given a big "A" for Anxiety. I felt that that might warn people of what I was going through & the issues I had been given.

I was so busy trying to fix myself I didn't watch movies that were stressful, no caffeine, no alcohol, no theme park rides, no airplanes, limited care trips, you name it I put myself on lockdown. I had become defined by the letter "A" that I had placed on my own chest.

I think it was an episode of Dr. Phil that I happed to see. He explained that there are times in your life and events that you encounter that define your life. It's true I might never be as I was, but did I want this as a stepping stone to the next part of my life, or did I want this to be my life? I became determined that this was a "phase" of my life that I would soon pass through. I had no idea if it would ever get better, but I focused on the fact that it would. When my mind would wander I would daydream what it would be like to have freedom again.

Fast forward, I am free now, Hallelujah! I do experience things, but part of me still has those apprehensive moments. I do remember so clearly what it was like to be right in the middle of my life or death battle. I am happy to say that the "A" has been removed for Anxiety & now I can just be me again.

Wishing you peaceful thoughts today,

Quote of the Day
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."
Harvey S. Firestone